The thought of midlife scares the daylights out of some people. Not so with Brenda van Lammeren. Instead of crashing head-first into crisis mode, her pragmatic voice speaks volumes when she says, “I am who I am and just getting older.” And, it would seem, wiser with each passing day. Crisis? Not with this lovely lady.

You wanna know what midlife looks like?

Brenda van Lammeren

Brenda Van Lammeren has a pretty good handle on this thing called life. This vibrant and beautiful 44 year old wife and mother tackles it head on and focuses on the things that are important to her and her family. 

Brenda, an HR Back Office Administrator at Staples in Amsterdam, is blessed with an 8 year old son, Oliver, as well as stepchildren Mandy and Nigel, 26 and 25, respectively. While she enjoys what she does and finds her job rewarding, it ultimately is her means to an end and a way to pay the bills.

Currently, I work to live. My colleagues are great. We work hard and have fun. Most importantly, though, my job suits my work-life balance perfectly. But sometimes, I just miss a little the drive to make my work more than that. My private life is far more important to invest in. So for me, I truly work to live.

Even though she works to live, life is so much more than that for Brenda. As she mentioned, she invests in her private life and cherishes the time she spends with Oliver.

Outside of work, spending time with my son is the most important thing. To be there for him after school and to make it possible for him to go out and play with a friend or go to soccer training, school chess, having friends at our house or just be at home together makes me happy.

This school year he’s now cycling to school on his own. These steps of becoming more and more independent make me proud, but I also realize that he is growing up fast.

Brenda has also spent a lot of time with her furry four-legged friend, Maria. Sadly, Maria recently crossed over the Rainbow Bridge, but she will forever live in Brenda’s heart.

Walking with the dog is meditation for me. To be alone with my friend in nature is where I find answers to my questions.

The family recently welcomed a new addition to the family: Mario Potter, a/k/a Potter, an adorable ball of fluff that’s sure to bring Brenda, and the entire family, years of enjoyment.

Artistic Endeavors

Brenda cultivated her talent for drawing many years ago. Today, drawing is a hobby that is a part of who she is and she produces wonderful creations.

I want my talent for drawing to grow so I can become the best artist I can be. It all started when I was a little girl. I wanted a dog so badly. I began to read books about dogs. I enjoyed looking at the pictures and knowing the names of all the breeds. Then I began to draw dogs and making leaflets for my room which read, ‘You can only enter when you get me a dog’. I also drew portraits of my friends or actors.

I continued to draw, although I took a lot of breaks. I didn’t make drawing a priority. However, in the last few years, I made more time for drawing and developed my skills and techniques. It gives me energy. I secretly hope to begin to work on commission basis. Then I will live to work!

She hopes to create a Facebook page to showcase her artwork soon. For now, you can view some of her creations below (click on each image to enlarge).

Home Life

With an 8-year old at home, being an empty nester is still a ways off. However, Brenda and her husband Danny still have their hands full.

With two small grandchildren, Alexis and Skyler, who they care for frequently, Nigel, and Oliver’s friends who often come to visit, they have a full house, to say the least.

While Brenda realizes that change is challenging, she knows that it can also be the catalyst for good.

I am truly experiencing a difference in life after I reached the age of 43 or so. I’ve entered into a new chapter of womanhood. My skin is changing, my teeth, my hair. And I need to become my new best friend again. I do believe that this change is giving me more wisdom but it also takes time to accept and step into this new chapter with pride.

While some may see midlife as a time to reflect on the past and reinvent themselves for the future, Brenda firmly embraces the woman that she is in the here and now with candor.

I don’t think I’m reinventing myself. I am who I am and just getting older. I do realize that I need to keep on working—spiritually, creatively and career wise—if I want to achieve something.

This positive attitude translates into satisfaction for the woman she has become in midlife.

I’m happy with who I am. I try to keep in shape and pay attention to the way I dress.

Along with that happiness, Brenda also counts her blessings.

I’m grateful for being a mother and a wife, the home we live in and the things we can give our children. We’re making fun and creating a loving space for everyone.

Although she deals with life on her own terms, there are at least a couple of things Brenda can’t tolerate.

I don’t accept a bad haircut or ugly underwear. This works for me.

Brenda embraces life and the art of creating. There’s a sense of comfort and validity in her thought process that speaks to her contentment. For many women, the struggle of midlife is all too real, leaving them feeling uneasy or fretful. Fortunately, midlife is not all bleakness and sorrow. When asked what words of encouragement she would give to others trying to cope with midlife, the woman with the beautiful smile answers with a glint in her eye:

Don’t you ever give up on looking for the best hairdresser!

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There’s a running theme with the women profiled in This is What Midlife Looks Like. They’re vibrant, talented women who won’t be settling themselves into a rocking chair anytime soon. They don’t just go through life, they live life . . . and Brenda van Lammeren is no exception.

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Talented. Artistic. Grounded. Focused. Pragmatic. Wife. Mother. Stepmother. Friend. 

This is Brenda. She’s artfully crafting her path to the future, one sketch at a time.

When it comes to Brenda van Lammeren, this is what midlife looks like.

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If you believe you or someone you know should be featured in “This is What Midlife Looks Like,” please don’t hesitate to contact me and let me know.