I get it. You’re in midlife. You think the best years of your life are now behind you. After a lifetime of working, taking care of others and being the consummate people pleaser, you’re plum tuckered out. Your excitement level is in the basement, and you’d rather watch paint dry than step outside the boundaries of what you think you should be doing. Your libido, zest for adventure and thong bikini have all left the building hand in hand, skipping the entire way. You’ve lost your midlife mojo.

Rut-roh. Looks like somebody’s bought into the myth that midlife is the beginning of the end. Shame on you. You’re better than that, aren’t you?

Of course you are – you are woman and it’s time the world heard you roar!

So, what can you do to get your midlife mojo back?

*   *   *   *

Walking ‘round with a chip on your shoulder because you’re feeling some kinda way? Mad at any- and everybody for no good damn reason? Let’s be real: you already came into midlife knowing that this stage of life would come with its own set of challenges and include changes – internal and external. Life isn’t linear; it’s a series of ups and downs. Roll with it. Ride the crest when you can and trudge through the bottom when you must. Midlife is another stage of adulthood. Adult.

This isn’t a Lifetime Channel TV show and you aren’t playing the invisible woman. Why take a back seat in life when you can be the front and center in your existence? No more fading into the background like a bland tan comforter. Be your own self, not just so-and-so’s wife, what’s his face’s mother, or whatchamawhoozit’s girlfriend. Take charge, take that step and stand out.

Stop hating on yourself. If you don’t love you, how can you expect others to warm up to you and become engulfed in the warm and fuzzies? The energy that you put out to the world isn’t invisible. When you neglect to show yourself love, people pick up on that. In turn, that’s their license to treat you the way you treat yourself.

Whatever it is, get over it. Betrayed by someone you thought was a friend? Get over it. Didn’t get that job you thought was tailormade for you and you believe ageism played a factor? Get over it. A texting nitwit cut you off in traffic? Brush it off and get over it. You want to know why? Because you’ll live a whole helluva lot longer when you aren’t pushing your blood pressure to the boiling point and stressing out over things out of your control. Yes, getting over it is easier said than done (I should know: I was the one who didn’t get that job that I thought was crafted especially for me), but it isn’t impossible. Skip the stress and just get over it.

We’re all adults here, right? Okay, great. So, let me ask you…

Got cobwebs growing south of the border? Are dust bunnies floating around like tumbleweed in your sexy lingerie drawer? When was the last time you got busy? If you’re not gettin’ it on on the regular, your lady parts haven’t atrophied, and you haven’t taken a vow of celibacy, it’s time to stop going without.

Have you ever seen “How Stella Got Her Groove Back”? If you haven’t, find it and watch it.

After watching it, you might just rethink what it means to be a midlife woman and realize that now is as great a time as ever to engage in amorous congress!

Alrighty then…go get your Stella on!

Stop using your age as an excuse. You do realize that it’s nothing but a number, right?!?

And for heaven’s sake, stop talking yourself into believing that you’ve run out of time to learn a new language, go skydiving, visit the seven wonders of the world, wrestle an alligator, pose nude for an artist or build yourself a treehouse.  If you’re a believer in bucket lists (or, in my vernacular, things you want to do while you’re still alive and kickin’) create your own and start ticking things off.

…comparing apples and oranges

About 15 years ago, I was on vacation in the Caribbean with two of my sisters. Earlier in the day, we staked out a prime spot on the beach, prepared to while away the time sipping fruity drinks, people watching and occasionally dipping our big toes in the water.

Sporting an itsy bitsy teensy weensy white string bikini, I was feeling quite pleased with myself because I knew, in my long and leanness, I looked good. Two tanned young women in even tinier string bikinis flitted past us — a study in thin limbs, Colgate smiles and girlish giggles. They chose a spot ten feet away from us to lay their towels and worship their chosen solar deity. In a flash, they were topless, breasts pointing straight up towards the heavens even as they lay on their backs, still giggling.

I looked down at my breast – at the time a robust 36C – and glanced back at the women. My sister said what I was thinking.

“Even when I was that young, my breasts never stood at attention like that.”

Neither had mine. midlife mojo

I began to compare my breasts to theirs. Soon, I was depressed.

The moral of this story: There’s always going to be someone who looks better than you, does something better than you, has a grander life than you, is more talented than you . . . and the list goes on. Stop comparing yourself to any- and everyone. Live your life and be happy in who you are, what you have, what you’ve accomplished and what’s yet to come.

You’ve heard it time and time again: laughter is the best medicine. So why not overdose on it? Laughter is a wonderful way to reduce stress, it triggers the release of endorphins, it can combat the onset of depression and it relaxes your body. And, dammit, it just feels good!

In the perfect storm of your head, you can be your own worst enemy. You start thinking you can’t do something when you haven’t made the first attempt to do it. Or you talk yourself into the falsehood that you’re less than everyone else. Maybe you call yourself stupid for a mistake you made.

Honey, the more you do that, the more you reinforce it into your subconscious. Your words, your thoughts and your actions all make up how you feel about yourself. Tell yourself wonderful things. And when you start conjuring up illogical reasons that limit the woman that you are, or could become, challenge that. Is it necessary? Is it real? Is it the ultimate outcome?

Frenemies drag you down. Reevaluate the people in your circle. If they aren’t aiding in advancing you forward, if their humble brags are designed to make you feel like your life isn’t nearly as phenomenal as theirs, if they constantly look to you to pull them out of the doldrums and don’t reciprocate, it’s time to disengage and remove that link from your chain of friends. Negativity breeds negativity. You don’t really want that in your life, do you?

How thick is your skin? Are your feelings easily hurt? When someone tells you, “No!” does your world fold in on itself and you sink into a depression? Listen, your world isn’t going to end just because some nasty mean girl doesn’t have adequate home training. Your outer shell should be rock solid. Let the negativity, harsh words, snide comments, etc. roll off you like water off the proverbial duck’s back.

midlife mojo
The time for people-pleasing has run its course. It’s not necessary for you to always say “yes” – you do have a choice, you know. How many times have you neglected yourself, your wants or your desires, because you put someone else first and always said that 3-letter word that equated to caving in, denying of self or assuaging guilt?

Repeat after me: “No.” “NO.” “NO!”

There you go . . . you’re getting the hang of it.

I’ll make this short and simple: It’s time to reclaim your power. Be the CEO of your life. Walk in your power, be confident in the woman you have become, and, if need be, take no prisoners. It’s your life. Navigate it.

*   *   *   *

Now, go forth, oh wondrous midlife woman, and get your mojo back and have the midlife without the crisis!