Friendships are something else, aren’t they? But I mean in a good way. midlife female friendships 

When we were kids, it was nothing for us to hug our best friend on Sunday, get into a screaming match on Tuesday, have a little tussle on Thursday and by Saturday the slate was wiped clean and we’d act like nothing had ever transpired. Those are the friendships that endure. The ones where you can be mad as hell at someone but still love them at the same time. Those are the friendships that stay with us through the years. We may not see one another for a decade or two, or even three, but when we come together once again, timelines fade away into nothingness. We’re back to those silly girls of our youth, giggling madly and holding onto one another like we’re each other’s lifeline.

Every woman should be so lucky to have those types of friendships. And if not many, at least one.

But what about those friendships that we make later in life? The ones that don’t have that 20-, 30- or 40-year history to back them up? I’ve written about this topic before, but for me it bears repeating, especially as I get older.

Making friends with women in midlife is hard. midlife female friendships

Now, I don’t mean that in the “She’s so snooty, why would anyone want to be her friend,” kind of way. Rather, by the time many women reach midlife, their friendship roots have already been planted. And they take the time to lovingly sow the seeds, and many rarely have the energy, motivation, or space in their lives to tend to new flowers in their garden.

But what about those women who are open to receiving the newness of friendship into their lives? Are you open in return?

Being Open to New Friendships

When I moved to North Carolina 6 ½ years ago, I posed that question to myself and gave a resounding “Yes!” I was more than open. My best friend from childhood lives two states and 420 miles away so impromptu girl’s nights aren’t exactly an easy thing to arrange. So yes, I was open to friendship in my new hometown.

I guess I’m lucky in a sense. While I do have casual friends, there’s one woman who I consider a close friend in my neighborhood. There are also a couple other women scattered around Charlotte that I can count as friends. Oddly enough, one is a woman who grew up just up the street from me. We hadn’t seen each other in decades and we reconnected when she relocated to the Charlotte area. The other is a woman who, like me, welcomed the addition of a new friend in life. We’ve been friends for about five years now and, although we don’t talk every day, I feel her presence in my life.

Friends are like little gifts that we get to unwrap each time we see them or speak with them. The longer you’re away from them, the more special it becomes when it’s time to unwrap.

A week and a half ago, I got to unwrap a special surprise gift. About four years ago, I began developing a friendship with a neighbor of mine. When I met her, she just seemed like someone I wanted to befriend. Over time, because of things that were going on in her life, there was a small part of me that felt the need to protect her.

Circumstances in her life caused her to move away. Her departure saddened me but I really wanted the best for her.

Fast forward three years later when she shows up on my doorstep with her new husband. You could have knocked me over with a feather! It was so wonderful to see her beautiful smiling face again. We hugged for what seemed like forever, and even shed a tear or two. And when she told me that they had just bought house and she was moving back into the neighborhood? Oh well damn, it was well worth the wait!

That’s what happens with friends – both old and new. There’s a real sense of happiness when you reconnect after the passage of time.

I say all of that to say these two things: 1) Keep your heart open to new friendships. Midlife can be difficult. Perhaps we could all benefit from a new link in our chain of friendship, and midlife female friendships give us that opportunity. 2) That good friend from years back, the one you keep meaning to call but never seem to get around to it? Call her. You’re friends for a reason. Don’t let the friendship wither away and die.

As you nurture your garden of friendship and care for all the flowers, they’ll continue to bloom time and time again.