Hey midlife woman, do you believe in validation from the inside out? Do you believe in yourself? Do others have more faith in you and your abilities than you have in yourself? Where in the hell does your validation come from anyway?

It’s time for you to be authenticated from the inside out. Give yourself the stamp of approval . . . endorse yourself.

I could sit here and tell you a whole slew of things to butter you up: you’re a fighter, you have it in you, you’re the greatest . . . blah blah blah. But doesn’t that sound, well, empty? It’s bullshit. It’s more likely than not that I don’t know what’s going on inside your brain, how your spirit soars or what you’re capable of. But you know who does know that?

You do.

And you know who else may be clued in to you and all your idiosyncrasies, your insecurities, your triumphs and your fears?

Your tribe.

It’s great to have a tribe; in fact, for midlife women, it’s important for our spiritual and psychological well-being. Tribes can be a great pick-me-up. Your tribe of women will see you as no others see you. If they’re a real, true tribe, they’ll encourage you, inspire you, support you and give you a shoulder, virtual or in real life, to cry on.

When you receive validation from external sources, it serves as a powerful boost. To your self-esteem. To your ego. To your sense of self-worth. And there’s not much wrong with that. That external support means that others find value in you, they believe in you and they have faith in you. Isn’t that wonderful? So, yeah, these are the women who can validate you. But . . . and I’m certainly not knocking the meaningful value of a tribe . . . do you really need validation from others?

Think about it. It’s your life. You know you. Imagine how phenomenal life can be when you feel and believe in the qualities that make you you, when you have faith in yourself, when you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you have value. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

That inner awareness comes from trusting yourself, trusting in your abilities and trusting that you are as good as you believe you can be. Without that inner belief, you’ll continue to seek outside validation. Be honest about your passions and know your strengths. These two traits can be the backbone of your successes in life. You didn’t make it to midlife to be a mediocre woman, did you? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

What About Your Validation?

No matter what we may say to the outside world, internally, we all care what others think of us, at least to some extent. Does she think I’m smart? Do they think I’m attractive? Does he believe I have value? Our self-worth is often tied to what others think. For some, this can be damaging as their happiness is dependent upon the perception of others. If that validation, or approval, isn’t forthcoming, they assume that people disapprove of them. That’s not validation from the inside out but rather from the outside in.

That’s a heavy burden to take on based on whether or not you perceive someone ‘approves’ of you. Especially when an assumption is involved.

When we learn to accept the things that are amazing, phenomenal or great about ourselves, we can strip away the need for approval, or validation, from external sources.

It’s time to talk to ourselves like we talk with our friends; to tell ourselves how wonderful we are; to tell ourselves that we are worthy; to tell ourselves that we did a good job. If we can be free with our accolades to others, we should be able to praise ourselves.

How to Validate Yourself

At times, we can be our own worst critics. This criticism can manifest itself in many ways, one of which occurs when we turn that critical eye inward and begin to judge ourselves. How can we combat this attack on ourselves?

First, take note of how much you judge yourself. Self-judgment, which is based on emotion not logic, is so automated that we often don’t realize we’re doing it. Be aware and hone in on that judgment and, when possible, instead of judging, why not try valuing yourself? Tell yourself you have worth. Be proud of the woman you’ve become.

Next, realize and understand that your decisions are yours. Place more trust in your inner knowledge as opposed to allowing others to be the ‘voice of reason’ or ‘authority’ for you. In turn, you will begin to feel your inner power taking shape.

Finally, you need to love and nurture yourself. Do you care for others more than you care for yourself? You coddle everyone else in your life; now it’s time to coddle yourself. Take care of yourself as you would a child. Allow your inner self to know that she is of value, that she is of worth, that she is loved.

As you begin to feel better about yourself, your need for outside validation will diminish.

So tell me, do you validate yourself from the inside out?