I am a member of a fabulous group – midlife women. But, you know, there’s a fire that burns within me. I never have the luxury of forewarning before it strikes. I am assaulted, suddenly and without the benefit of caution. It erupts from my belly and fans outward. Or it rolls out from my ankles and works its way upward. Other times, my face is aflame and there is a fear, albeit a slight one, that my hair will singe from root to tip.
What is this fresh, pure hell that I’m experiencing? midlife women
Hot flashes. Not just hot flashes, but hot flashes dammit!
This. This right here. This is what menopause feels like for me. Perhaps I’m telling your story as well. Right now, you’re probably thinking, “Get the hell outta my head, Valerie!” Yeah, I know.
Menopause is the evil younger sister of midlife. I can’t stand her ass.
For a while, I was hesitant to vocalize the many and varied encumbrances of menopause. My husband was my reluctant sounding board and the unwitting soul on the receiving end of Menopause Mania. A few examples:
ME: “Oh baby, I feel like I’m about to spontaneously combust!”
ME: “Sheesh…is it me or is it hot in here?!?”
ME: “What the hell is happening to my body? Look! Where the hell are my eyelashes?”
ME: “Baby, does this fat make me look fat?”
ME: “Have you seen my glasses?”
HUSBAND: “They’re on your head.”
ME: “Shut the hell up!” midlife women
HUSBAND: “You look nice today, baby.”
ME: “What the hell do you mean?!? Shut the hell up!”
In the beginning, I was a mess. My body was betraying me in ways that I never would have imagined. I strolled into midlife and menopause oblivious, blissfully unaware and smugly happy with myself. That wouldn’t last long. I began having PVCs (premature ventricular contractions). This was my reality.
PVCs were something of which I had no prior knowledge. Honestly, I thought I was having a heart attack when the worst of the dozen or so attacks that I had been experiencing over the prior seven days hit me as I drove up the Merritt Parkway on my way to Bridegport, Connecticut on that beautiful Sunday afternoon four years ago.
Menopause is but one of the pitfalls that come with midlife. And it was a midlife I was reluctant to speak about out loud.
And therein lies the problem.
In the early days, midlife and, by extension, menopause, was something to be whispered about, not heralded with blaring trumpets and given the red-carpet treatment. I never discussed it with my girlfriends. There were no drunken late-night get-togethers where we compared our various menopause symptoms and midlife gripes. I tried not to burden my husband with the changes taking place with my body – inside and out. There was none of that. I was in a dark, lonely, mad place.
One day, all of that changed. And that change was cause for celebration.
I began to embrace this new and exciting second act of my life. I started Midlife-A-Go-Go. I began to write about what it means to be a midlife woman. I put the spotlight on women who are grabbing midlife by the horns and they aren’t taking any prisoners.
No longer would I relegate myself to the shadows because society has this absurd notion that midlife women are throwaway women. I came out of the background and put myself squarely in the forefront of life.
I decided to separate the midlife from the crisis.
What Can We Do As Midlife Women?
It’s time we shift the mindset and alter the way we think about ourselves as women, our midlife experiences and everything that goes along with it. This is a time in our lives that we should revel in, celebrate and embrace without fear, recrimination or embarrassment. We shouldn’t be afraid to talk about the emotional, physical and physiological changes that we experience, whether it’s
…hot flashes
…fatigue
…painful sex
…incontinence
…mood swings or irritability
…thinning hair or facial hair growth
…vaginal and vulvar dryness or atrophy
…osteoporosis
…shrinking uterus
…weight gain
…depression
…fatigue
…or anything else.
Come out of the shadows.
Use your voice.
Reexamine how you treat your fabulous midlife self.
Now . . . what will you do to change the narrative of midlife?
