Living a fulfilled life can be defined in a myriad of ways. However, some people believe it to be a relative term which can only truly be defined by the person living that life and how they feel intrinsically. In midlife, as women we can sometimes lose sight of who we are and the amazing feats that we can accomplish. Loving who we are goes a long way in being fulfilled. Life doesn’t end at midlife.

You wanna know what midlife looks like?Tammy L. Coia

Tammy L. Coia is the personification of her life fulfilled.

Tammy is also one of the busiest women I know. While we have all heard the age-old adage, “work smarter, not harder,” 50-years-young Tammy manages to do both with almost flawless ease. Her entrepreneurial spirit has led to her being an accomplished writing coach, author and women’s writing retreat leader. In the early 2000s, Tammy was voted Businesswoman of the Year in the Bay area. At that time, she had her own educational center in Milpitas, California, and it was ranked #1 for seven consecutive years.

Her current business, TLC Writing Retreats, provides women with the opportunity to “retreat, write and reinvent” in a safe and intimate setting. Tammy claims to be a loner, yet she thrives like the beautiful flower she is in the midst of other people.

Between curriculum writing, planning her upcoming retreats in Loreto Bay, Baja California Sur, Mexico (where she now resides), Camas, Washington; and Calgary, Alberta; running workshops; and being the perfect mother to her itsy bitsy beach patrolling Chihuahua, Bruce (affectionately dubbed Baja Bruce), there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day, yet somehow she manages it.

Tammy has always blazed her own trail, and along the way, she faced challenges in midlife. When she began her teaching career, she was always one of the youngest on the faculty. In her early 40s, that all changed and she morphed into “the old one” or “Mrs. So-and-So.” She was no longer the youngest; that role had been filled by the 21, 22 and 23 year olds coming onto the teaching scene.

In 2008, at the age of 43, one week after her youngest son graduated from high school, Tammy’s adventurous streak took over and she packed up her belongings, picked up her life and, not knowing a soul, moved from San Jose to Palm Springs to recapture that feeling of ‘young’ once again.

“Living life to the fullest is how I live.”

Part of living her life to the fullest is what also makes Tammy fortunate in that she gets to do what makes her happy for a living: leading women and helping them to find their writing voices. Says Tammy, “I realize how really blessed I am. I don’t work a 9-to-5. I’m doing what I love.”

As the saying goes, all work and no play….

In her down time, Tammy has had the good fortune to venture out and try a variety of things for the first time since hitting the 50 year mark.

“When I turned 50, I decided I was going to say ‘yes’ more than ‘no’.” She said it and she meant it. One day she was invited along to play pickleball, a sport that is sort of a cross between tennis, racquetball and badminton. To her surprise, she found that she really enjoyed it.

You wouldn’t know it to look at her, but Tammy is the mother of four grown children—three sons and a daughter, ranging from 25-30 years old. There is a distinct flavor of motherly pride as she says, “My children are my greatest legacy.” Her family circle will expand this August with the addition of a granddaughter.

While she loves all four of her children dearly, as an empty-nester, Tammy is frank about taking too much responsibility for her children’s lives and experiences.

“I’ve never been a helicopter mom. I don’t have to talk to them every day. We don’t have that kind of relationship.”

While she may not see or speak to her offspring every day, Tammy has found the right balance of motherhood and living her own life, and it appears to work successfully for her.

On the inside, Tammy is quite pleased and happy with the person that she has become. However, she’s not so thrilled with her outside and how her body is responding to midlife. “If I were to die tomorrow, I would feel like I am a success.”

With midlife comes reflection, a time to take stock of one’s life and look forward to the future. Tammy is one of those rare and wonderful individuals who makes a difference in the lives of others. She gives of her time, of her talents, of herself. She has spent so much time writing curriculum, working with her students and leading workshops that her own personal story as a writer took a back seat to nearly everything else in her life. However, she often reflects on the story that needs to be told—that of her mother, her grandmother and herself.

Last December, Tammy took the first steps to resurrecting her story. She packed up her worldly possessions, including Bruce, and moved to Loreto Bay to begin the journey of self-exploration and writing for herself.

“I came here with the focus on allowing myself time for just me and the opportunity to write my book. It has developed into so much more. I now lead a free weekly writing workshop for the residents of Loreto Bay. We have anywhere from 7-12 women in the workshops each week. I collect a donation each week for the animal rescue Segunda Chansa (and their sister organization, Animalandia) which transports stray dogs to a shelter in Portland. Everyone wants the Baja dogs since they are sweet and have no issues. Last month we collected 1,500 pesos (about $98.50 U.S.) which allows one dog to get their forever home in Portland.”

A move designed to her advantage has other beneficiaries as well. Even when doing for herself, Tammy still manages to make room in her heart for those in need.

Tammy rocks midlife like she owns it! With humor and wisdom, she shares her advice with women who may be struggling with midlife:

“I have looked forward to being 50 since I started teaching memoir workshops. It was about 8 years ago and I would often ask the women, ‘What decade did you love?’ I was surprised, but most of their answers were that they loved their 50’s! I started looking forward to the day I was turning 50, even though I had about 7 years to wait. But since turning 50, one of the things I love is that I get carded again… Yes, I have always had a young looking face, although this time the card is not to see that I am 21 and can drink that stiff drink, but rather it is an AARP card to see that I get the senior discount… It is all in how you look at things.

So my advice to the younger women in their 30’s and 40’s is that life gets better…my silver hair is wisdom highlights and as I look around at women my age they must be covering them up because I am glowing with my halo, or I am just ‘smarter’ than they are…I have lots of wisdom on my head!”

You can find Tammy at TLC Writing Retreats and on Facebook.

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An entrepreneur. A giver. A woman of many talents. A loving mother. An all-around caring person.

This is Tammy. She is a woman with a caring spirit and a generous heart. Midlife for her? Piece o’ cake.

When it comes to Tammy L. Coia, this is what midlife looks like.

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If you believe you or someone you know should be featured in “This is What Midlife Looks Like,” please don’t hesitate to contact me and let me know.