I can’t.

How many times have you said this? How many times have you viewed something as so daunting that your de facto response was, “I can’t”?

“Can’t” is a four-letter word. It’s a contraction – a combination of the words “can” and “not”.

Why is this word so prevalent in our daily lives? It’s a ‘stop’ word; it prevents us from doing and leaves us stagnant.

That Time I Thought I Couldn’t

When I was a young girl, I was as anxious as any other kid when the last day of school finally arrived. That last day, the one that we all looked forward to from the first day of school, signaled the start of summer vacation. Summer meant cookouts, playing hide-and-go-seek, 1-2-3 red light, tetherball on the street sign at the corner and so much more. It also meant losing our ever-loving-minds at the community swimming pool.

I enjoyed everything about going to the pool — the splashing, the screaming friends, the stench of chlorine that burned my eyes and seared my nose hairs. I couldn’t get enough of it. There was just one problem, though: I couldn’t swim. Sank like a boulder. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get the hang of it. The art of swimming was out of reach for me.

What “Can’t” Means

Can’t is a word used by people who are projecting their own fears out into the world. By people who can’t see past their present limitations. By merchants of doom. By people who would rather not give it the old college try and see if they fail or succeed, but would fail by default. Yup, that was me. I loved being in the water, but I was terrified of what I thought water could do to me. Afraid that I would go under and no one would hear my cries for help. Afraid that no one would see my bony arms flailing as I sank underwater. Afraid that the chlorinated liquid would swallow me whole as I desperately gasped for air. Afraid that I would drown . . . and drowning in real life isn’t like in the movies. It’s far scarier, far more subtle, less noticeable. That was my fear.

For some, saying “I can’t” is borne out of the fear of making a mistake. Fear of failure. Fear of embarrassment. Maybe it’s the fear of change. We have a tendency not to want to leave our comfort zones, of course, but the reality is life begins at the end of our comfort zone. We live in our denials and say:

I can’t do that.
I can’t say that.
I can’t ask for that.
I can’t say no to them.
I can’t start my own business.
I can’t leave this horrible relationship.
I can’t stand up for myself.
I can’t focus on anything.

By simply making some minor adjustments to how we think and by removing the negative thoughts we tell ourselves that leave us in a place ruled by fear, we can make great strides towards our desired end result. Almost anything is possible if you have a clear vision and are willing to do the work.

With the right mindset, positive attitude, and a clear vision of what you want to accomplish, the only thing that is holding you back is yourself.

What are you gonna do about it?

Life is about making choices.

When you say you can’t do something, you’re doubting yourself, submitting to defeat, and making that barrier around your life tighter.

Are you sure you “can’t,” or do you choose not to change? The one thing we have to purge from ourselves is fear — fear of bad results, fear of change, fear of denial, fear of loss, the fear that makes us worry and lose sleep. And that fear breeds a lack of confidence.

Confidence is fragile: it builds up slowly, but can shatter like glass. Project your confidence and energy into believing in yourself. This is a very important and groundbreaking step — one that is usually the hardest to take. Start telling yourself you can do something, anything, and you’ll do it the best to your ability. Remove doubt, remove fear, and stick with positive energy. And if you happen to fail, face that failure, learn from it, grow, and take action. You’ll never know success if you’ve have failed.

Turn your “I can’t” into “I can” . . . and just do it.

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Remember that fear of water that kept me from swimming? I finally overcame that fear in the summer of ’76. I stopped saying “I can’t” when I realized that I could, and I’ve been swimming every since (except for that time when I almost drowned in the Aegean Sea, but that’s another story…).