People, please, stop saying, “If I can do it, you can, too.”

That phrase has bothered me for a long time. It annoys me and puts me slightly on the defensive. It feels like a challenge – What…you can’t do this? Well I did it! Guess that makes me better than you. Of course, everything in context, right?

I get it. You’ve made accomplishments with your superhuman strength, your astounding intellect, your sheer bravery (or stupidity, depending on how you look at it), your never-wavering determination, or just through sheer dumb luck.

You completed your first Ironman Triathlon at the age of 59. Yay for you.
Your life went into a tailspin when you lost your job, but now you’ve pulled it all together and you’re flourishing. You go, boo!
You went from being homeless to building an empire in five years. Go ‘head with your bad self!

I applaud each and every woman who has taken life by the reins and handled it like the queen that she is, including you. And you’ll have me in your corner – hooting, hollering, and carrying on – right up until you completely loose me with those few choice words:

“If I can do it, you can too!”

I get that it’s meant to be motivational, inspirational and encouraging. But a few things of note here: your struggle isn’t my struggle (or anyone else’s). Your resilience, truth, path in life, tolerance, or blessings? They’re not mine or anyone else’s, either.

When you say, “If I can do it, you can, too,” maybe, somewhere in the back of your mind, your subconscious is working on the thought that everyone else has the same tenacity, the same stroke of luck, the same physiology, the same mental state, the same genetic imprint, the same resources – the same everything – as you do. And they don’t.

While you’re super happy and impressed with yourself because you were able to climb Mt. Everest while suffering from COPD and you get on your platform and say, “Hey, look, people with COPD, look what I did,” your words may give false hope and promote unrealistic expectations for someone else.

Your successes – as great as they are – aren’t meant for everyone else. And that person with COPD who listened to your words may think, “If she just competed in an Ironman Triathlon, why can’t I?” Seeds of doubt are sowed. They begin to question their abilities, their aptitude, their commitment. And when they do try something and can’t do it? It increases the fear of failure. It lowers self-esteem. It makes a person more guarded.

If you try and don’t succeed, how does that make you feel? Like you should have tried more? Like you can’t do anything right? Like a failure? That may be the case for some. Having said that, it doesn’t mean that the burden lays at your feet. You don’t have to be the drummer whose beat others dance to.

However, sometimes, that’s what people will do. They see your accomplishments as a shining example and they want to do it, too. To push their bodies. To challenge their minds. To attempt what they know they can’t accomplish.

But this isn’t about acknowledging your accomplishments. It’s about the emptiness of the phrase, “If I can do it, you can too.” Because not everyone can do whatever the “it” is that you’ve done. And that’s okay. If we all had the same skills, talents, intellect, gumption, chutzpah, friends in high places, shrewdness, good fortune, etc., there would be little to set us apart.

If she can do it, why can’t I?

Because everyone’s ability to fail or succeed is their own.

If she can do it, why can’t I?

Because everyone’s inherent strengths aren’t the same.

If she can do it, why can’t I?

Because you are you.

I once swam in the Aegean Sea (and nearly drowned, but that’s another story). While it wasn’t a huge feat, some people with an intense fear of water wouldn’t be able to do it.

I’ve appeared onstage as a TEDx speaker. I actually have a fear of public speaking. Even though I sucked it up and did it anyway, I know there are those who wouldn’t dream of doing that.

I ate escargot for the first time in celebration of my 50^th birthday. Would I do it again? Hell no. And I’m sure there are those who wouldn’t even dream of putting snails in their mouth.

I’ve traveled solo to different countries, yet for some people, they’d be anxious riding a train alone to a new city, let alone galivanting across unfamiliar territory.

So, what’s my point? We each have our own capabilities. Whether we’re limited by proximity, disability, talent, dedication or even mindset, that speaks to our uniqueness. It doesn’t make us any ‘less than’ anyone else. It doesn’t mean we’ve taken on the victim persona. It doesn’t diminish who we are. It doesn’t make us fallible. It simply makes us human.

If you say you can do it, that’s your cause for celebration. Embrace it. You’ve earned it. If I say I can’t do it, there should be no questioning the fact that perhaps I just can’t do it. And that makes me me. So, you go do you, and do what you can.