When I was a young woman in my twenties,  I didn’t give a single thought to what my life would be like when I reached my 50s. A midlife woman’s manifesto was the furthest thing from my mind. I was too busy living in the fullness of my present. The world was laid out before me like a huge present just waiting for me to unwrap it. And since it was my present – a gift just for me – I was ripping off the paper, savoring each in-the-now moment and gleefully anticipating the next.

Growing into myself and the woman that I was to become in my 30s still didn’t yield any lightbulb insights. While I finally considered myself an adult – having been through one failed marriage, holding down a lucrative fulltime job, and purchasing my first home at the age of 34 – I carried on with life as usual: eating whatever the hell I wanted, drinking like a fish, partying until 2:00 in the morning On. A. Work. Night!

Then I entered my 40s. Glimpses of a bona fide mature woman were beginning to reveal themselves, at first in tiny slivers that cut through time, then grand sweeping gestures of adulthood that shaped the grown up who was coming into being. I made amends to those who I hurt in my past. I paid my bills on time. Late nights out at the clubs became a thing of the past. I put my big girl panties on, got remarried and built a new life for myself.

I had finally made it: I was a card-carrying adult.

That was when the mental trip down memory lane began. I pondered all that I had done up to that point in my life. I wondered if I could have done more. I fantasized about how different my life would be had I turned left instead of right, auditioned with this song instead of that song, gone to college 20 years earlier than I had, said “no” to that first marriage proposal, moved to California instead of Georgia. There’s no end to the ‘what ifs’ in life.

So, here’s the thing about second guessing ourselves: It’s time wasted for time passed and no matter what we do, we can’t get it back. Instead, of bemoaning all the wrong decisions, the wrong men, the wrong job, the wrong shoes, the wrong lifestyle, etc., use that – all of that, from the beginning of time to yesterday – as your teacher. Learn from the mistakes, grow from the knowledge and share the lessons.

Being a midlife woman means more than simply being a woman of a certain age. We have knowledge and experience. Our past is the foundation for our future. Sometimes we get so caught up in living in the past, beating ourselves up for our decisions, doubting ourselves and not living in the fullness of our life.

Let me just put this out there: This is a magnificent time in our lives! It’s our moment of realization. It’s our chance to take off the blinders and get a 360° view of our lives. We can take stock of who we are and who we want to become. We can assess, reassess and reassess some more until we decide to keep the things we want and discard the rest, and reinvent ourselves to be exactly who we want to be. How freakin’ cool is that?!?

I have one question for you: Are you living in the fullness of your midlife?

If not, need a gentle nudge? Alrighty then…here ya go — your midlife woman’s manifesto. You’re welcome.

The Midlife Woman’s Manifesto

• Don’t be afraid to be the real you. We sometimes hide behind facades and false personas. It’s time the world knows the real you.
• If you don’t want to be invisible, then make your presence known.
• Don’t be punished by your past. Treat it as a teachable moment, learn from it and move on.
• Don’t be afraid to say, “No!” and mean it.
• Haters gonna hate; let ‘em. Do you.
• Use your voice.
• Get s**t done.
• If someone doesn’t like you, that’s their issue, not yours.
• Know your worth . . . all of it.
• Make no excuses for the woman you are.
• Speak your truth. midlife woman’s manifesto
• Don’t be a victim of life; be a survivor.
• Step into your day, every day, with confidence.
• Don’t depend on others for your happiness.
• Don’t waste a single second on the “should haves” of life. Live without regrets.
• Crisis is a big scary word but remember this: you can enjoy the midlife and skip the crisis.

What else would you add to this midlife woman’s manifesto? Let’s chat about it in the comments.