You made it. 2019 is a done deal. It’s a wrap. When the clock struck midnight and gently escorted the old year into the history books (or with raucous laughter, champagne and off-key singing, depending on what you did), it ushered in not only a new year but a new decade as well. It’s 2020, ladies, and like specters of the past, there are some things you need to leave behind in 2019.

In no particular order . . . leave behind

1. Stop Saying, “I’m sorry…”

Yes, it’s just two little words, but those eight letters speak volumes. You think you’re being, kind, nice, accommodating . . . but people may be seeing things you don’t want to convey: you’re weak, you’re a pushover, you’re a target. Don’t set yourself up for people to take advantage of your apologetic nature because they will, and you’ve opened the door for them to come right in and make themselves comfortable. Stop it.

2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Women

While you’re busy comparing yourself to Beverly’s hair, Sabrina’s stunning svelte body or Danica’s bank account that has more digits than your telephone number and working yourself up into a serious funk, you’re sending the message to your subconscious that you’re not enough. Why would you do that? Each person is an individual, and that includes you. You need to celebrate that and embrace the qualities that make you unique, not pick apart every bit of minutia about yourself. It’s apples and oranges.

3. Stop Flapping Your Lips and Just Do the Damn Thing!

Is procrastination your middle name? You have an overworked tendency to say things like, “One of these days…,” “Someday, I’m going to…,” and “When I have time, I’ll…”. Aren’t you tired of singing the same worn out tune? Things are going to just magically happen just because you’re wishing upon a star. If you want action, you have to create it. Denise Brennan-Nelson said it best: “Someday is not a day of the week.”

4. Stop Feeling Guilty About Making Time for Yourself

As a midlife woman, you’ve reached a wonderful milestone. You’ve likely raised children and taken nurturing care of your family, you’ve put your big girl panties on and got sh*t done, you’ve worked hard all your life and now . . . you’re tired as hell. It’s okay to admit it. It’s also okay to practice self-care. I can’t stress this enough: self-care is about more than a mani/pedi. You need to nourish your soul as well.

(Want to be in the know on self-care? Email me to get exclusive access to the “Midlife Women’s Guide to Self Care”.)

5. Stop Worrying About What Others Think of You

How secure are you in the woman you’ve become? Do you like yourself? Do you love yourself? That judgy, condescending outlook that others exhibit and shoot the side-eye in your direction? Chances are, your belief that everyone is judging you could be a) your insecurities speaking loud and clear, b) a gross overestimation, c) their warped personality issue, not yours, or d) something totally outside your realm of control. Don’t let the fear of what prying eyes might think stop you from doing you. Your spontaneity, your inhibitions, your joy and your peace of mind will thank you.

6. Stop Being Judgy Towards Other People leave behind

Ah ha…looks like the shoe is on the other foot. You don’t want people talking smack about you, giving you side eye and judging your every move, so don’t be that pot – you know, the one calling the kettle black.

7. Stop Allowing Toxic Energy Vampires to Drain the Life Out of You

You know the ones I’m talking about. They’re takers, not givers. They drain you of your precious energy – and you let them. You might recognize an energy vampire if:

1) they care only about themselves 
2) they bring their problems to you leave behind
3) they complain like it’s going out of style
4) they play the victim like they’re vying for the Oscar, or
5) they expect you to rescue and counsel them.

8. Stop Putting Everyone Else First

I get it – you’re a giving person. You care about others. You’re the nurturer of the group. You want to make sure everybody is taken care of, well-adjusted and happy. Well good for you. But . . . what about you? Don’t you want to be happy, too? It’s okay to be that giving, caring, nurturing person, but at this point in your life you should be taking care of yourself first, and you need to do that guilt-free. Still have questions? Go back up and re-read #4.

9. Stop Hating on Yourself

You know when you say things to yourself like, “I can’t do anything right,” “Gahhh…I’m so stupid!” or “I wish I wasn’t so fat”? You’re destroying yourself. You’re being crueler than any bully could be because you’re the bully. When you denigrate yourself and put yourself down – whether you say it or just think it, you’re slowly chipping away at your self-esteem and self-worth. You and your inner critic are dangerous.

Instead of knocking yourself down, build yourself up. Appreciate yourself. Appreciate everything about you – the little things that are barely a blip on the radar of life and the big, substantial things that are visible for the world to see.

Now was that so hard? It’s a new day; it’s a new year’ it’s a new decade. Isn’t it time you treated yourself better, got rid of excess baggage and put yourself front and center? I think it is. So what will you leave behind in 2019?

Happy New Year, you lovely creature you.